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He was sitting in the sand, his toes covered with softly burning grains, his fingers waving away a fly from his face when she stepped into view. They'd been drinking beers from the esky and laughing at the seagulls who wanted their chips. He was sitting in the middle of their arc around the esky, furthest away but central. Central with his dark brown hair and blazing good looks, the way he'd flash a smile here or there at his friends, maybe throw a comment or two into the frivolity, and it would be enough. The way he commanded attention, just sitting there saying nothing, just communicating with looks, the subtle flash of an eyebrow, the twinkle in his eye.
They greeted her with catcalls and whoops, and with languid slobbish tongues they'd berate her to join them, and 'give us a kiss love'. With long blonde hair that cascaded down her shoulders, she'd toss it just so and place her hands on her hips, her sky blue bikini glaring prominently outwards underneath her silky brown tan. She tried to ignore them, with their breath stinking of beer and their hungry eyes that constantly preyed for more. She tried to command his attention, she called out his name, all the girls knew who he was, and he'd look at her with ice and glance back at the esky pulling out another beer.
The screwtop of the beer came off with a hiss as he poured the cool beer down his throat and shrugged at her. He didn't want her wide brown eyes that begged at him like a puppy. The way she'd pout her lips and promise him kisses, let her give the kisses to them, she'd do it to try to get close to him, but she was a fool to think she could win him through them, for he'd never touch her then. So he kept on looking at her with his eyes of ice as he swallowed down the beer with a small almost sneer of disgust as she allowed their groping hands to pull her down and play with her tanned legs, whilst she looked at him still, pleading for him to say something to her. But he only looked away, out to the ocean.
She swallowed her pride down in the summer heat, only to be near him, to try and break his defences. They all wanted him, they all tried to get to him, but no one could get past them, those beastly friends of his who would leer over her and her friends, whilst he sat aloof watching, waiting. She'd flirt pleasantly with them all, let them stroke her thighs as she played with her hair and lounged amongst them. She'd pull out another beer for him and he'd nod a little as she handed it to him, it was such a small thing but he had acknowledged she was there. They'd swim out into the ocean later, her and her friends, but he'd still sit there, lazing back with his elbows in the sand and smile and wave at them.
He'd watch them all frolicking in the surf whilst he sat in amongst the burning grains of sand, letting them caress him, burn into his skin and into his veins. When they'd all washed themselves off in the shower he'd watch her a little as they groped at her breasts hoping the water would pull away the fibres to reveal the flesh beneath. He'd sneer a little then and pack the esky up and walk up to join them, handing them their things and they'd all walk back to the apartment block he and the other guys shared. She was still with them, laughing at their bad jokes and tossing her hair, lathering up her lips with gaudy lipstick.
She'd still smile and play with them all in the evening as they watched movies with fast cars and burning houses. She smiled as they fed her pizza that she knew would make her face break out into spots the following day. She didn't mind them that much, they were all lookers too, the cute guys, the popular lot, but she hated their leers and beer breath and filthy tongues. But she would play with them just to be in the same room as him, to watch him from the corner of her eye. The movie would close to an end and they'd get out the cards, a game of strip poker.
He was good at cards, he knew how to not lose, the other guys wanted to lose anyway, they wanted to slowly peel off their clothes and try and press closer to her, she'd have bad luck and would always smile and wiggle her hips as she tossed her clothes at him when the cards disfavoured her. He lost only once and unbuttoned his shirt before lying down more comfortably at a side with a tumbler of rum and coke. She'd eye him all the more, taking in the line of his taut ribs, he'd laugh with them as they pressed close to her licking at her ears. They soon tired of the game and one of them clamoured for something a bit more fun as he rested his hand in her lap. He shrugged with a smile and a twinkle of his eye, 'why not', his voice cutting clearly into the scene. She smiled, thinking he'd join in, but he knew he wouldn't, not this time.
He'd given his blessing, she knew she would have him. The way his eyes had twinkled at her, he knew he would come to her side then. But first she knew the others would have their turn, pressing themselves roughly against her, pushing at her, their hands scrambling over her breasts tearing at her flesh, pushing inside her one at a time. Oh how she longed for them to stop, to finish, to move aside for the next and the next till he came. But they were all laughing so much and jumping round the room watching, she could see him in the corner watching her all the time with his cool calm gaze, watching them use her. And then they were all gone, all tumbling outside into the cool summer evening laughing hysterically with another round of beers smashing the bottles against the pavement when they were downed, following him as they walked down to the beach, leaving her up there on the floor, bruised and broken, he had not wanted her, not even when there was no price for him to pay.

Morning snuck through the brown curtains quickly the next day, sending warmth throughout the apartment. When he woke they were all sleeping still, sleeping off the previous nights alochol. His head ached a little blurrily from the beer and rum and coke but he hadn't had as much as the others.
He was cracking eggs into a pan ready to be fried up, and already one egg and some bacon were frying away when she woke. She pulled herself up from the floor and scrabbled blindly for her clothes to try and recapture some dignity from their flimsy cover. She'd walked into the kitchen to see him standing there making breakfast. Her voice cracked a little when she said good morning.
He turned at her voice and looked at her and nodded, smiling a little, before turning back to the stove, 'Morning, had a good night?' Her voice replied with a bitter laugh, 'Not as good as I might have hoped for'. He glanced back at her, his eyes narrowing and softening a bit, 'Ah well you can't always have what you wish for'. He flipped the egg onto a plate and slid the bacon over on top of it, and walked towards the kitchen table to sit and eat it.
'There's eggs and bacon if you want some, there's some bread somewhere and the toasters next to the fridge'. She nodded and pulled out a slice of bread and put it into the toaster and cracked an egg out into the pan. She hadn't forgivenn him for the night before, but she softened at hearing his voice, it seemed so much softer in the morning, more pleasant, less cutting, less fiery. She could hear his knife and fork cutting at the plate whilst she waited for the toaster, but soon she came and joined him sitting opposite. She wanted to ask him why, but she didn't know what to say. Soon the others were awake and she'd missed her chance, he'd returned to the stove to make them all breakfast. One of them, Jake pulled her onto his knees whilst he ate breakfast, he was claiming her as his girl now. She swallowed down her coffee as he petted her, she would stay with them now, she would salvage something out of it all, and Jake wasn't all that bad, he had fine spikey blonde hair tipped with deep red and the girls liked him a lot. It was a Thursday and all the other girls would skip off early at lunchtime for an afternoon at the beach, the other girlfriends would be there and she'd be one of them now. To her it would be worth it, when the pain of his simple rejection had worn off.
He would smoke today, when the girls came down, he didn't always, but he liked to when they were around. The way he could puff the smoke out in traily breaths at them as a sort of defence. He'd be surfing in the morning and into lunch when they arrived, he'd walk back from the surf then, dropping his board and heading to the beach showers to wash away the stinging salt. He'd come back and join them then, the guys and the girls all heaped over each other in the hot sun, and they'd all watch him as he smoked and they'd play poker to see who would buy the drinks that night. The others went surfing then whilst he remained behind, she chose not to surf that day and sat waiting with him on the beach. He wished she wouldn't stay, he didn't like her, he didn't like any of the girls, they were too easy, the way they thought they could win him over by playing with the boys, drinking and sleeping hard.
He waited till they were in the surf before he turned to her, she'd crept up to his side and was lying down tanning her front. He smiled softly to himself then, knowing what to do then. He traced his fingers over her stomach and she looked up at him with those cow brown droopy eyes. She trembled beneath his touch, and her trembles brought a smile to his face. He traced the just visible line of her ribs and frowned looking down at her, 'You know you really should lose some more weight, Jake likes his girls to be thin and pretty', she nodded taking in what he said, he knew she would not eat Pizza that night knowing he had some power over her now. Let her waste away chasing him, he didn't care, how could he care when they cared so little. He pressed his hand down against her flat stomach, 'You're too fat, your stomach sticks out too much'. She nodded again and he continued to inspect her, her trembling as his hands firmly prodded her here and there, making comments that she was fat.
He turned away suddenly then and looked out at the ocean. 'Go home, put something else on, come back in the evening, I don't want to see you any more just yet'. She was feeling so lost, uncertain, she thought she was pretty, she thought she was skinny, but she wasn't good enough for him, thats why he hadn't slept with her. She scrabbled to her feet at his order, picking up her things from the sand. When she got home her mother yelled at her for not coming home last night and 'where had she been'. She cooly replied 'at Sandra's' and stepped into the shower, her tears running down her face in the hot water. She'd weigh herself on the scales then, and not touch the food on her plate despite her mother's proddings, anyway how could she ever eat again. When she returned there was Jake, putting his arm around her and scowling a little that he couldn't use the same arm to pick up a beer. There was mainly him now, Jake kissing her and laying her, and he did not speak to her again, she thought only to endure, to keep hope he would speak to her when she was desireable enough. And each day that she did not eat, that her ribs stuck out a little more, he might glance at her once then glance away and still it was not enough. She was consumed only by that, by that desire that he should glide his hands along her chest again and say that he loved her.

They were sitting in one of the bars overlooking the ocean at night, the girls sipping bright coloured cocktails full of sugar and vodka, the guys sipping at frothy topped beers in glasses. She'd smile catching a glimpse of froth hanging on his top lip before his careful tongue would flick it away. He was staring off into the distance again, thinking of something else. She tried to follow his gaze but wasn't sure what it was watching, whether it was the group of drunken guys trying to balance empty beer glasses on their heads, or whether it was the group of older girls sipping at glasses of chardonnay and talking pleasantly about their jobs and their workmates. She didn't think it was them, they were all more conservative and the drunken guys were even attracting the attention of some of the others in the group.
His attention had been on the other group of girls, he liked how they seemed more self-controlled, but then some of them started to turn and look in his direction, eyeing him up and he looked away again, back to the small glimpse of ocean in the night and the cool sea breeze that drifted in. One of the girls in the other group had stood and walked outside, he glimpsed her leaving, and in that glimpse he thought there was something that he liked. After a minute or two he stood having just finished his beer and mumbled something about going out to have a puff on a ciggie and headed out the door. He saw her walking down the the beach, slowly stepping down the stairs to where the sand folded in hues of grey in the night. She was a cool pale beauty in the moonlight, a vision to his eyes. Stylish slightly plump curves, short bobbed brown hair, with a long black skirt that trailed out at her ankles and brushed the sand lightly in her wake. Her torso carefully bundled up in a dark green and lemon corset that curved in and out. An hourglass figure that seemed so out of place on the beach he knew only for its scrawny bikini clad girls. She wasn't like Jakes girl who was looking scrawnier every day, her droopy puppy eyes taking on a look of desperation and lean hunger. He'd never been satisfied with any of them, but this girl, he thought this girl so pretty in the moonlight that his brisk steps towards her might have easily turned to running had she been walking a little faster. He halted behind her, uncertain to approach but then he fell into step with her and asked her her name. She looked at him with grey green eyes, smiled a little faintly and kept walking.
She'd heard footsteps approach her before but had not looked behind her. She'd glanced at him when he fell into step and recognised him as the guy her friends back in the bar had cooed and clucked over as being such a hottie. She had to admit at his good looks, at his beautiful coldness but she had no desire to chase men, for she had long felt none could ever love her when they stood slackjawed at some blonde bombshell with a tiny waist. She hated the beach in the day, how cruel and malicious it would seem with its burning sun and gossipy glinterings. At night it was quiet though, soft and gentle like how lovers should be, the water gently lapping silver in the moonlight.
He asked her why she wouldn't give her name and just walk away, and she'd shrugged and said names didn't matter much. He asked her whether she came to the beach much and she shook her head so he asked her where she did go, and she shrugged and looked at him. 'Why do you want to know'. Her voice was soft in hushed tones of one who fears being trodden on for saying the wrong thing. And all he could say to her was that he loved her and she laughed, 'but you don't even know me, you've only just seen me'. He'd shrugged again a little and said it didn't matter, he thought she was beautiful, and she laughed again and said that the moonlight always hid the harshity's of appearance.
There was desperation in his eyes, he could feel it in himself and resented it but it was too strong to overrule, he could not let her slip through his fingers for he feared he'd not see her again. 'Will you not tell me where I might find you one day, so that I might at least try to know you better'. She shook her head firmly, 'and let you tease me, I saw you with those girls, they are more your type, people don't love me, I'm not one of those girls who throws her heart at boys, hearts have to be given slowly, you don't know me, you can't possibly even say you love me let alone feel it.' He walked still alongside her, 'I have decided you are beautiful, and worth trying to slowly form love, you won't let me try that at least'. She looked at him with such uncertainty in her eyes, indeed she found him handsome, in the bar he had seemed sexy the way he had sat so aloof amongst the group, but now, now she thought he was only teasing her, a prank for one of the boys, when they'd first arrived in the club some of the others had come over hassling them, she didn't trust these silly sounding delcarations. 'No, leave me alone'.
He walked back slowly then, not to the bar, but to the apartment, kicking angrily at the door and it shuddered and slammed back into place. He would raid the fridge and drink all the beers, and his friends would stumble home later and find him sprawled drunkenly over the floor in a stupor and wonder what had given him cause to be so drunk when they thought it so unlike him.

Weeks slip by in the final breaths of summer, and soon a more constant cooler breeze settles in the air. Life had continued much the same, they'd drink and lounge about and not bother much with very much. When Autumn settled in properly they'd pick themselves up a bit and look around for a job for awhile, he was working in a bar pouring cocktails for all the pretty girls who tried to flirt with him for cheaper drinks, but get none from him. Jake was working in a fish and chip shop and he'd happily sneak in free tartare sauce for the girls who batted their eyelids at him.
They'd still all gather around at the apartment or down at the beach in the afternoon. He had never seen her again, howerver much he looked for that pale ghostly beauty in the moonlight. Instead there were just the other girls, who would still try their silly stunts to get him into their beds and hanging on their arms. Still he would have none of it.
One day one of the girls had rounded on him angrily after he rejected her steamy advances and demanded to know if he was gay or not, the laugh he gave put her back in her place, a vicious laugh of one who is highly amused at the other ones foolishness to even think such things, the way he'd pushed her against the wall and let his teeth claw at her ear veraciously and she had breathed in heavily, half out of fear and half out of victory till he laughed and pushed her violently away and to the ground and smiled at her flush of tears. Sometimes when the others had found a girl who was up for the lot of them he might join in, if she didn't particularly want him, he could always spot them, the ones who wanted him, so never with them, only with the ones who didn't single him out as the one to aim their hearts at.
They were drinking beers in the apartment one day when he looked around the room and elbowed Jake, 'where's your girl got to'. Jake scowled a bit and shrugged, 'hospital or something, they said she weren't feeling well, but it don't bother me much, I was about to dump her anyway, she was getting boring'. He nodded quietly and finished his beer.
She'd been in there for three weeks now, and each day she would peer over her bed hoping Jake would come and visit, but he never did, some of her girlfriends came now and then with flowers and chocolates. She'd throw the chocolates away and let the flowers droop in their vase beside her bed, they came less and less these days and she hadn't seen anyone for a week now.
It had been a couple of days after that he'd got up early before work and was walking around and he'd found himself getting on a bus to the hospital, he'd stopped by and asked one of her friends where she was, it was one of her quieter friends who never said much and was less likely to blab that he'd been asking. She'd been asleep when he got there, and he looked at how pale and frail she looked now, the life almost drained out of her, he didn't wait, he couldn't wait, looking at how her face had sunken in to cling at her bones. He felt a little guilty he supposed.
When she'd woken a little later in the afternoon one of the nurse's had told her she'd had a gentleman visitor but she'd been sleeping and he hadn't stayed long. She smiled though, Jake had come after all. The next day she kept herself awake, hoping he'd come back, she didn't expect for it not to be Jake who walked through the door the next morning but him. She swallowed hard, fighting tears or choking or something. He'd smiled a little hesitantly at her and put a picnic basket on the end of her bed.
"I brought you some food Jake's Girl, you should try to eat more." She looked at him blankly and shook her head, she didn't have the stomach for food, she hadn't eaten for so long she'd forgotten how. She thought now seeing him here that it had all been worthwhile, that she had been thin enough for him finally.
He pulled out some baby blueberry muffins and pressed one into her hand. "You should eat Jake's Girl, it's only little, you shouldn't eat too much at once, but I'll keep bringing you food till you eat something"
"Where's Jake" her voice cracked from lack of sustenance, cracked from struggling to think of what to say.
"Jake isn't coming", she nodded, she knew as much, she knew in her heart that he'd dropped her like a dead thing as soon as she was to weak to walk any more. Even just before when she was too gaunt to please him in the evenings she'd known he wouldn't come and see her, but still she'd hoped and now here he was, the one who she'd always wanted.
"Why are you here then"
He shrugged and nudged her hand to try and prompt her to eat the squashed muffin. She threw it on the floor and he sighed. He took out another muffin and breaking off a corner held it above her mouth waiting to drop it in when she could.
"I lied a little you know back then, Jake does like his girls skinny but you were skinny enough, I suppose I came cause I just don't want to see anyone throw their life away on false hopes."
"I never cared much for what Jake liked, I only wanted you to like me" He laughed a little tucking a bit of muffin into her mouth when she spoke making her words a bit garbled, she swallowed it down with a choke of self-disgust.
"Yeah well I don't like my girls skinny, I like my girls to have nice curves on them, and a sense of their own selves, I never liked skinny girls or girls who thought they liked me, you see you can't judge you love me because you think I look good, but no one ever sees that, I'm just the cute guy with an arragant ego right."
She opened her mouth a little then to accept another piece of muffin and he shrugged again.
"You see we can't throw ourselves away cause we think we're in love, and we don't always get what we want Jake's girl."
He kept coming to the hospital then, stopping by for an hour before work, he'd bring her food and slowly she'd start to eat again. They'd talk a little about the weather or what they liked. He kept on calling her Jake's girl still but she didn't mind so much. He talked about the times he'd thought he'd fallen in love, how the first girl hadn't really loved him and was only looking for a date to make her ex jealous. How he thought himself in love with a beautiful girl but she'd turned him away and he never got to know her. He'd tell her about the other girls who were flirting with him in the evening and pointed out how stupid they looked and she'd laugh at his anicdotes of lipstick smeared tarts as he'd call them. He talked a little on what the other guys were doing, how Jake's job in the fish and chip shop was going.
Then one day the nurses said she could go and was told to come to counselling sessions once a week in the hospital. He walked her down to the bar that evening where he worked and sat her on a bar stool to sip on lemonade with a tiny drop of gin in it whilst he worked, she'd watch the girls flirt with him and share a wink with him on the side when he turned away to roll his eyes about them. One or two guys would come up to her and chat her up a bit and she'd laugh a little and share a small smile with him whilst she watched him pour the bright coloured cocktails. They walked back to the apartment in the evening after work and the others stared at her when they came in the door but shrugged and got out the beers but she didn't take one up and sat quietly on the settee watching the videos.
On the beach the next day she would wait with him on the shore whilst the others surfed and they'd watch them together, once or twice remarking on the size of a wave one had caught, or not caught and been drowned a little in. He'd glanced at her at one point and asked 'How's Jake's Girl feeling now then', and she'd shook her head and looked at him again, 'I'm not Jake's Girl, at the moment I'm no one's Girl, I'm just me'. He'd smiled at that, smiled and nodded, 'Very well then 'me' , you just stay like that too'. She nodded and looked back at the surf and he looked back at the surf.
He didn't smoke much anymore these days, he had her as a sort of barrier now, she'd quietly step infront of a girl who was bothering him with a flash of her eyes and a secretive nudge at him and he appreciated it. He looked after her too, made sure she wasn't starving herself any more or that the other guys wouldn't hassle her. The others all thought of her as 'His Girl', but they both knew better, and they were happy like this, just looking out for each other, protecting each other from the malicious circle of sexual partners that the others would play with glares and fluttering eyelids, and they were both content just to watch.